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Disclaimer: You know this show’s been on a looong time when the flashbacks start taking place on the island.

And for all those Nikki and Paulo haters out there, your time has come…

Read on for the recap.

RAZZLE DAZZLE ’EM!
I always thought it was only a matter of time before one of the flashbacks took place at a strip club (come on, the show’s got to get its ratings up somehow), but who knew Mr. Lindelof and Mr. Cuse would give us a double wammy of met expectations with a Lando Calrissian cameo! (NFW Chill-o-Meter rating for a guest appearance that puts Peg Bundy and Cheech to shame: 6/10.).

I must admit, I’ve dreamt of the episode in which the former administrator of Cloud City would mystically appear on the island and beat Sawyer in a rousing game of sabacc before smuggling the now-destroyed submarine, but his appearance in some shady Aussie TV show called Exposé as what looks to be a trigger-happy pimp suits just fine too. It’s Billy Dee!

So, after Nikki, playing the little stripper that could, does a few high kicks while simultaneously shouting “Razzle Dazzle” (try it… it’s not easy), Lando shoots her dead.

When the scene is over, Nikki’s grandpa appears on the set to congratulate her on her guest appearance. But then they start making out! Gross!

Back on the island, Nikki’s running and digging and then drops dead right in front of Hurley and Sawyer. Her last words? Plywood? No. Power lines? No. Paulo lies? Oooh, scandalous!

80 DAYS AGO
Nikki and her partner-in-killing-rich-grandpa-lover Paulo poison the old man, steal something from his safe and head to the airport where they cross paths with Shannon and Boone. (Hooray for cameos!)

When the plane crashes, viewers get a taste of what the pilot episode would have been like of the creators actually thought to include these two from the beginning. They see Jack helping some pregnant lady. They watch Boone run around searching for a pen. They even see Arzt, which seems fitting, as — like them — he was another one of the “new” characters.

Soon, Lost viewers everywhere started questioning their own memories: “Maybe Nikki and Paulo were there the whole time. Maybe I was too enamored with that darn Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle to notice. Maybe the show isn’t the problem. Maybe I am the problem.”

Nicely done.

Somewhere between the “If we can’t live together, we’re going to die alone” speech, Arzt discussing the merits of medusa spiders’ paralyzing effects and another cameo (enough already!) by Ethan — who’s apparently a Wisconsin alum as well as an Other — N & P go in search of their lost goodies. While looking, they came across the plane where Boone found the radio and the opening to the Pearl hatch. They probably also found a pay phone, a working helicopter and a “push here to leave this dreadful island” button, but they really wanted to find this bag.

In present time, Hurley and Sawyer start their investigation into the death of Nikki only to find Paulo dead in the jungle. With one of his shoes in a tree. And with his pants undone. They also find said bag, which includes a script of Exposé, some nicotine gum and a walkie-talkie, much like the ones the Others use. Hmmmm…

12 HOURS AGO
In what rivals Lando’s bit as the best performance of this episode, Nikki approaches Sawyer about getting one of his guns. They argue for a good few minutes, and she storms off. Sawyer then calls out, “And who the hell are you?!” Thank you, James, for asking what we’ve all been asking for quite some time now!

8 HOURS AGO
Just when N & P accept the fact that their prize — which turned out to be a $8 million worth of diamonds — was as lost as they were, Nikki found some of Paulo’s nicotine gum. See? Cigarette addiction is baaad news, people.

And so, apparently, are medusa spiders. (Why must no one listen to Arzt?) Nikki, to gain control of the situation, decides to use the spider — whose bite can paralyze someone for up to eight hours — on Paulo. Little does she know that when one spider bites, it releases a scent that sends other medusas to the scene. Just as Nikki finds the diamonds in Paulo’s panties, and just as he tells her how much he loves her and all that crap, she gets bitten.

You can see where this is going.

By the time she hides her stash in the ground and makes it to Sawyer and Hurley, she can only muster the word, “para..lyzed,” which sounds unfortunately similar to “Paulo lies.” Crappity crap crap!

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
The castaways dug holes for the burial. (They’re alive!) They put Nikki and Paulo in those holes. (They’re alive!) They had a funeral service in which they chided them for killing each other over diamonds. (They’re alive!) They began filling those holes with dirt. (They’re alive!) Nikki opened her eyes! (They’re alive!) (They’re alive!) (They’re alive!)

Just when we thought there might be a happy ending here, we see Sawyer and Hurley’s job well done. A gravesite. (NFW rating for what ended up being the most gruesome death scene on Lost to date. Again: 8/10.)

So, N & P weren’t necessarily an integral part of Lost as a whole, but if I were the writer who came up with this idea, I’d find a way to add it in, even if it did mean annoying the hell out of every true-blue Lost fan as they wondered why these two hotties just showed up on the beach.

AND I’M STILL LOST:
When Paulo was hiding his dirty little secret in the toilet (no, get your mind out of the gutter) at the Pearl, Juliet and Ben strolled in. They talked about finding out what Jack’s invested in and exploiting it so as to get him to do the surgery. Nothing new, right? I was hoping for a little gem.

A side story to this episode was when Charlie revealed to Sun that he was the one that kidnapped her and dragged her through the jungle. Not the Others. Okay, so I’m really trying to keep up with everything, but I must’ve forgotten that that was apparently a big deal. She did punch co-conspirator Sawyer square in the jaw, which made it all worthwhile.

Next Week: LET’S GET READY TO RUUUMMMMBBBBLE! There’s going to be quite the cat fight between Jack’s leading ladies, Kate and Juliet.

Original post by Kate Schweitzer

Everyone on this island is connected, right? But how?

Conspiracy Theory #4,387: They’ve all got daddy issues.

First, there’s Jack. His dad was an alchie and — as we learned last week — not the most faithful of family men. Claire’s father was Jack’s father, so enough said. Kate’s dad was off in the army, so she instead got abused by her stepdad until she blew him up. Sawyer’s dad killed Sawyer’s mom before killing himself… in Sawyer’s bedroom… while Sawyer was under the bed. Sun’s pop was a mob boss who turned her husband (who was ashamed of his own father’s meager roots as a fisherman) into a criminal. Hurley’s dad only returned to the family he left behind when a couple mil were involved. Desmond’s potential father-in-law quite literally banished him to the ends of the Earth. Walt had some visible trouble with Michael’s parenting style, and Shannon and Boone were step kids in love, so that’s bound to speak to poor parenting somewhere.

Then, of course, there’s Locke. He thought he was in a bad way when he didn’t even know who his less-than-proud papa was. Little did he know the barrels of fun his biological father would bring. A con and a kidney later, he’s got a bit of resentment.

FATHER KNOWS BEST
In this week’s flashback, a disgruntled, depressed Locke — shy one kidney — gets a visit from one Peter Talbot. He’s come looking for the scoop on his mother’s suitor, who also happens to be Locke’s father. For some reason, Locke still has a soft spot for the man who ruined his chances with Peggy Bundy and pretends not to know him.

Instead, he finds his dad and implores that he either call off the pending engagement to the multi-millionaire or Locke will spill the beans.

OTHERLAND
Kate, Locke, Sayid and Danielle wait for nightfall before making their move. When Kate enters Jack’s house, she finds him playing a little ditty on the piano. Too bad the Others find her finding him playing a little ditty, courtesy of the security cameras.

Locke heads over to Ben’s pad, which is clearly not according to the plan. When he gets there, he finds Ben bed-ridden and asks for the submarine. Oh crap. We all know where this is going.

After Ben asks an Other to bring the man from Tallahassee (we all know where this is going too), he and Locke get to talking. We discover that Locke spent the last four years in a wheelchair and that Locke felt his own back break.

Over at the village billiard hall, Jack and Kate have a heart-to-heart. He doesn’t even applaud her valiant effort at coming to his rescue, and instead tells her that he’s taking the first boat — er, sub — off that island and heading home. Yes, it seems a little harsh, but he did creep up behind her and whisper it in her ear, so it’s cool.

Plus, Jack does make Ben agree that once he and Juliet have left the island on the submarine, he’d let Kate and Sayid go. Suuure. Once they leave.

NO, IT’S HANDICAPABLE
Ben, now in his wheelchair, asks Locke to imagine a box. Now, imagine whatever you want inside of it. Oooh, oooh! Imagine living in America! No, wait! Imagine having working legs! Oh, no! Imagine living in America and having working legs!

Instead of such positive thinking, Locke decides to imagine a world without political correctness. Then he proceeds to mock the fact that Ben’s a “wheelie.” He said, “You’re in a wheelchair, and I’m not,” followed by a subtle “neener-neener-neener!” He then said, “I don’t want you to slow me down,” followed by an insipid glance at the chair.

ONE BAD DAD
Back when Locke had some hair, he got a visit from some detectives with information that Peter was killed. Once again, he thinks it’s a good idea to confront his dad. When he threatens to call the soon-to-be-wife-and-con-victim, Locke, Sr. decides to push Locke Jr. Out the window. And down eight stories. (NFW Chill-o-Meter rating for finally finding out how Locke went without legs for so long: 5/10. It was pretty messed up, yes, but in Lost, we’ve come to expect a little more weirdness. Why couldn’t he have been bitten by a mystical unicorn that has the power to cause limbs to debilitate? That would’ve made more sense.).

The next thing we know, we’re in a hospital room, the detectives are telling a battered, bruised, disgruntled, depressed Locke that his dad skipped out and into Mexico. When the super-duper positive physical therapist puts Locke into his wheelchair, however, he begins to cry. No offense, but his life pretty much sucked before, right? What’s one more pile of crap on the immense mountain of crud that is Locke’s life?

Back on the island, Locke blows up the submarine, much to the chagrin of Jack and Juliet. (NFW rating for Locke being crazy. Again: 2/10.)

Ben, as fate would have it, was very pleased with the chain of events. If he had let Jack leave the island, his people would consider him weak, but if he’d killed Jack, they’d see Ben as a cheat who breaks his word. But now, he’s seen as the guy who let some crazy castaway blow up their one chance of getting off the island. Much better.

As a reward, Ben lets the sub-sinker see just what’s in that box.

It’s — who’da thought — Locke’s dad. (NFW rating for seeing Mr. Locke all tied up: 7/10. Now, I’m wondering if the paternal parents of Jack, Kate and Sawyer are just in another hut watching Seinfeld reruns and playing poker until it’s their turn to come out.)

AND I’M STILL LOST:
Did anyone else notice that when Tom let Jack into the game room to talk to Kate, he said, “Be careful in there” and pointed to his head all crazy-like? What’s up with that?

Next Week: Sun doesn’t like digging graves. But it looks like someone’s going to need one by the end of the next episode.

Original post by Kate Schweitzer

The lesson of this episode? COMM – UN - IC - A - TION.

I mean, you’d think that without the modern time-wasters such as cable, the internet and Boggle, these castaways would have enough downtime to, say, have a conversation. But, no. Instead, when Claire asks what’s really going on, Charlie stares off into space, contemplatively. When Kate and company interrogate Patchie, they actually just glare at each other with a momentary inquiry: “So, the Others, man. That’s some messed up stuff. Right? Yeah?” And don’t get me started on John “Loose Canon” Locke. Whenever he wants answers, he blows things up. And then stares off into space, contemplatively.

Good talk.

THE BOARS AND THE BIRDS
We open, like many episodes before this, with an eye. This time it’s surrounded by smudgy black eyeliner. No, not Jack. It’s Claire. A gothic Claire. She’s behind the wheel of a crashed car, and when the camera pans out, we see that her mom is lying several feet away on the pavement, by way of the windshield.

On the island, Charlie plans a picnic for Claire but is interrupted by a very cryptic Des, who all-too-obviously insists that Chuck go boar hunting instead. Just then, a flock of birds soars overhead, and Claire says the first of what is to be many of this episode’s classic catchphrases:

“I think I know how to get off this island!”

Apparently, Claire believes these birds are tagged, and if they can catch one and attach a note to it, the bird owners will find it.

Upon hearing Claire’s plan, Sawyer began to refer to Claire as Barbie, but remembered that — last episode — he wasn’t allowed to use nicknames. (NFW Chill-o-Meter rating for the Lost writers actually carrying a story line from one episode directly to the next, a truly unprecedented event: 4/10. In case you forgot, the NFW is a highly scientific method for determining the amount of spine-chilling shock certain Lost scenes create — where 1 = big woop, 5 = holy crap, 10 = no effing way).

ONE VERY SHORT LIST
Meanwhile, Patch divulges to his captors that they aren’t capable of understanding what’s going on. After all… they’re not on The List. They’re too angry, week and frightened. We also find out (again) that Ben isn’t the list-maker.

Just then, they come upon a clearing, marked off by a series of pylons, possibly demarcating a security perimeter around the entire Others’ community. Patchie maintains that it hasn’t functioned in years. But he also said he’s with Dharma.

This would be a good opportunity to use some of Sayid’s torture tricks on Patchie, or at least promise him a little action with Kate in exchange for some honesty. Nahhhh… let’s just kill him.

Which is exactly what Locke did when he pushed Patchie into the fancy electric fence. (NFW rating for Locke doing something completely irrational: 2/10. Normally, this would get an 11, but Locke’s gone a little loopy lately, so I’m just surprised he didn’t strip down and perform a rain dance around Patchie’s dead body.)

Instead of asking Locke why in blazes he’s acting so darn foolish, they watch him chop down a tree and build a bridge over the pylon.

A FAMILY AFFAIR
Now, back to the Hot Topic explosion that is Flashback Claire. She’s at the hospital with her mom and Aunt Lindsey. Things aren’t looking good. Her mom’s on life support with little hope of recovery. But the good news: It’s free! An anonymous donor, eh?

A few days later, a familiar face is in the hospital room. It’s Jack’s dad! I wonder what this could mean… (Segue into a totally I-think-I-changed-channels-by-accident-and-landed-on-a-Star Wars-marathon catchphrase:

“Claire [Luke], I am your father.”

Dang — and I was hoping this episode would reveal that Kate and the French Lady were second cousins.

DID I MENTION THE NEED TO COMMUNICATE?
Claire and Jin nearly drop the net on one of the birds when Desmond fires his rifle, scaring the bird away. Claire confronts them on why he and Charlie are sabotaging her rescue efforts. She, once again, pulls the baby card and forbids Chuck to chill with Aaron. (Claire, let’s not use a human being as a bargaining chip. It’s bad parenting.)

She follows Desmond to the rocky beaches where he snags a bird. Finally, she asks what the eff is going on. Des nods to the rocks in the water and replies: “That’s where Charlie died.”

That’s right, Des. Don’t bother telling her that he’s only Dead. In. Your. Imagination. No need to share that you Can. Time. Travel. Nah, just tell her that her boyfriend broke his neck, and then explain all those other minor details.

Claire and Charlie write a note. They mention they’ve been stranded for 80 days (that’s it?), and a lot of useless crap about new life blossoming when they could’ve mentioned that the island had, perhaps, coconuts made entirely out of gold. Give these people some incentive.

They attach the note to the bird’s tag and let it go. Just as it flies into the air, Locke stabs it with a knife.

Just kidding.

THE NEW OTHER
Kate, Sawyer and Locke (the French Lady was MIA) make their way to the Others’ village. Just then, they see Jack sprinting toward them. OMG! This is easy! Come on, Jack, come on!

But then, he loses momentum. He looks into the sky. Tom’s in the distance and he’s throwing a — a football. Jack catches it. Touchdown! (NFW rating for Jack totally turning into an Other and for a whopper of an episode ending finally worthy of Season 1 status: 8/10.)

AND I’M STILL LOST:
So, who the heck is on The List?!

Sawyer was reading The Fountainhead. There’s nothing like Howard Roark’s struggle to really make you think about your purpose in life. How is it that this one plane managed to house so many relevant, symbolic books? Did airport security search bags and remove all Candace Bushnell novels in lieu of weightier material?

On a very obvious note, something’s gotten into John Locke. He used to be the voice of reason. Or at least the voice of sanity. Now, he’s blowing up hatches left and right and causing people to foam at the mouth and bleed from the ears. Clearly, he wants to keep the island mystery a mystery. I’m thinking it’s all to do with the fact that on the island, he’s Alpha Male. He’s got his legs, and he doesn’t want anyone taking that away.

Next Week: It’s all LOCKE all the time! We’ll find out what put him in that wheelchair and… oh, that’s probably it.

Original post by Kate Schweitzer

We’re back with our latest Small Screen Stud of the Week. This week’s installment is one very sexy end of the love triangle going down on Lost.

Name: Josh Holloway
Age: 37
Hometown: San Jose, California, but raised in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia
Status: Married (blast!) to Yessica Kumala for more than two years
You’ve seen him: As the con man with a heart of gold and a penchant for giving adorably addictive nicknames, James “Sawyer” Ford, on Lost.
Why we love him: For starters, there’s that Southern drawl. He could be speaking pig Latin, and we’d be captivated. There’s those golden locks. There’s the biceps, the pecs, the gluts. There’s his love of fried chicken and chocolate pie. There’s that devotion to his wife, which although we’d much rather he be single, we can’t help but swoon over his one-woman adoration. There’s that glimmer of hope that we might still have a shot (“If I were single?… Damn, I’d have one girl doing my laundry, one shaving me, one bringing me a cocktail and another one coming out of my tent all hung over”). Which girl can we be?

Original post by Lindsey Unterberger

Sweet Cheeks, Sassafrass, Doc, Dr. Quinn, El Jacko, Hero, Hoss, Pork Pie, Staypuff, Jabba, Jethro, Omar, Captain Falafel, Al Jazeera, Boss, Sticks, Metro, Mr. Miyagi, Sulu, Chewie, Bruce, Betty, Tokyo Rose, Amigo, Chucky, Han, Daddy, Pilot, Short Round, Mamacita, Shaft, Mr. Ed, Rambina, Hot Lips, Ana Lulu, Mr. Clean, Daniel Boone, Zeke.

There’s one I’m forgetting…

Ah, yes. Freckles.

This incomplete list, Lost fans, is in memoriam of Sawyer’s beloved nicknames. Say goodbye to the pointed pop-culture references, the blatant racial slurs and the mildly sexually offensive modifiers. You won’t be seeing them for a week in Lost time, which is like, uh, 13 episodes or something.

We’ll see how long this lasts. Until the writers realize that calling Kate “Kate” and Jack “Jack” is so Heroes, comment below on the nicknames I might have missed.

Oh, and read the recap of the latest episode.

BE THE BALL
Somehow, the original hatch is now just a hole in the ground, but the ping pong table within it was in tact in the jungle. Makes sense — just blame it on the sky turning purple. The gang’s all amped for some table tennis, but they’re missing one important thing. The ping pong ball. Naturally, Sawyer’s got one. The dude’s back for five minutes, and he’s already reclaiming his title as “the guy with the stuff.”

Sawyer naturally strikes a deal. If he wins a game of ping pong, he gets the rest of his stash back. If he loses? Well, just ask Crouching Tiger (Jin) and Hidden Dragon (Sun). They say he can’t give anyone nicknames for a week.

DOWN ON THE FARM
Anyone else find it incredibly coincidental that as soon as Sayid gets some airtime, viewers get some answers? That man is magic.

Sayid, accompanied by Locke, Kate and Frenchie, happens upon an old farm house. There’s a cow with a bell. There’s a horse with a saddle. There’s a cat with an attitude problem. And there’s a guy with an eye patch. (Yes, the guy from the video screen in that other hatch!) He decides to approach Patchie, unarmed, to see what in blazes is going on.

A few steps onto the land, Patchie shoots Sayid in the arm. “We had an agreement! This is my land!” By the way, Patchie’s got some real nice chompers.

A truce is arranged, and Patchie welcomes the gang (minus Danielle Rousseau, the “Swiss” French woman) into his humble abode. He says he’s the last living member of the Dharma Initiative. (NFW Chill-o-Meter rating for bringing back the utopian weird-science project that is Dharma. At last!: 4/10.)

And here’s what we learned:

• After losing the Cold War (so, is he American or Russian?), he was dismissed from the military, and decided to do something good.
• He saw an advertisement that read, “Would you like to save the world with me?” and joined Dharma 11 years ago.
• He’s stationed in “The Flame,” the hatch with the equipment capable of communicating to the outside world.
• Foolishly, his fellow Dharmanites initiated a war, called the Purge against the hostiles, whom were there for a long time before Dharma showed up. Patchie was a pacifist. After all his comrades were dead, the hostiles offered him refuge at the Flame, as long as he never left.
• The satellite hasn’t functioned in years.
• Submarines brought them all to the island.
• He makes a mean iced tea, and his cat is named Nadia after Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci.

While we were all drooling over the answers we thought we were getting from trusty Patchie, here’s what Sayid learned:

• Patchie isn’t a member of Dharma. He’s one of the hostiles.
• He’s not alone, either. Nadia (the cat, not the gymnast) clued him in on a trapdoor and the horse’s saddle length gave him fair warning that Patchie’s company was shorter. I could have told him that.

While we were all drooling over the answers we thought we were getting and while Sayid was actually figuring out Patchie’s deal, here’s what Locke learned:

• Computer chess is hard to beat, especially when the game has a very War Games-like intimidation factor and was programmed by three grand masters.
• If he focuses hard enough, he can beat computer chess. Sadly, that comes at the expense of helping his friends take down a crazy one-eyed hostile in the other room.

BEING A CHEF IS TORTURE
We flashback to Sayid (who’s now going by Najeev or something), chopping produce at a kitchen in Paris. A happy customer requests a word with him to commend his cooking and offer him a job as the chef of his restaurant. They’re both Iraqi — both outsiders — so Sayid accepts.

When he arrives at Sammy’s place, a woman confirms that “this is him,” and he’s pummeled to a pulp.

Days later, Sammy returns to Sayid, who’s chained to the ground. Apparently, Sayid tortured Sammy’s wife by pouring hot oil on her arms while he served as an interrogator with the Republican Guard, but Sayid denies ever seeing the woman. “I cannot admit to something I didn’t do,” he pleads.

Meanwhile, back at the dude ranch, Sayid and Kate go down the trapdoor to find the parameter of the building wired with C4 explosives, Dharma binders and operations manuals.

Locke, tasked with the simple job of not letting a one-eyed unconscious man overtake the crew, found the chess game irresistible. In an attempt to understand John’s plight, I try to imagine being thrown onto an island with no, say, shoe stores. Not one. I manage to go about my daily tasks until one day, I see a shoe store. It’s very small, without much selection, but it’s a shoe store nonetheless. Is some blacked-out guy with bad teeth really enough to stand in between me and a new pair of pumps? Not likely. Play on, Locke. Play on.

And he did. He won, which instantly led to a video of that Asian Dharma spokesperson giving prompts.

“For satellite access, enter 3-8.”
“Satellite is inoperable.”
“For sonar access, enter 5-6.”
“Sonar is inoperable.”
“The station might have been compromised by hostiles. If so, enter 7-7.” …

As Locke was interrupted by Patchie and his knife, Kate and Sawyer came face to face with the other accomplice. Ms. Klugh!

Like many standstills on the island, this one pitted Patchie with Locke as a hostage against Sayid and Kate with Klugh as a hostage. Locke, attempting to get out of the doghouse, refused to be a part of the negotiations. Apparently, neither did Ms. Klugh, who — in another language — demanded that Patchie shoot her. And he did! (NFW rating for the sudden demise of Madam Cleo: 8/10.)

DO THE HUSTLE
Here’s a tip: If an opponent ever slyly mentions whether to enact a mercy rule, back out immediately. Especially when the opponent grew up with a table in his basement and oodles of practice time at a mental institute. Poor Sawyer. No more Sassafrass or Mr. Miyagi for a loooong while.

Back to Sayid’s flashback: The wife enter’s Sayid’s cell alone and tells the story of a cat who was abused by neighborhood whippersnappers who lit firecrackers at it. She rescued the cat, but every once in awhile, it bites and scratches because it forgets it’s safe.

All she asks is that Sayid acknowledge what he did to her. Oddly, he does. (NFW rating for Sayid pulling the whole “Your face has haunted me…I am sorry…I am so sorry for what I did to you” routine: 5/10.)

She forgives him, and he’s released.

Back at the farm, Sayid decides to extend the favor to the one-eyed man, even though he found a map to the Barracks, a patch of land with houses, dormitories, power and water.

Then, Locke shows up to save the day. Oh, wait. He entered 77 and blew up the one chance of communication to the outside world. Well played again, Mr. Clean.

AND I’M STILL LOST:
Why wouldn’t Sayid just admit to torturing this woman from the beginning?

Next Week: “Par Avion.” Get ready for a Claire-centric episode, as this one will go back to when Claire was a lot, lot younger and in a very different place in her life. Whatever that means. Plus, a surprise connection between two characters will be revealed (my money’s on the whole Jack and Claire or siblings theory). Double-plus, the search party encounters a deadly obstacle. Or an alarm system. Or a trap. Or an electric fence. Whatever it is, Locke, of course, seems interested.

Original post by Kate Schweitzer